tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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