I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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