He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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