listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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