Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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