Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Who died my cat blue again?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
