Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
