That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Randomize
