Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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