I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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