Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
