i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
