I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
