Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.