I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
well you can't waste a boner
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.