Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
