Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Randomize
