o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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