Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
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i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
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So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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