One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
