I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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