finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
