Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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