My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My penis needs a shock collar
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
