Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
