If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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