Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
