opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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