Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
