3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
