There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
