I've blown a few things in my day
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
