you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
