At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
