when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
