would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
