Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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