He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
