When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
