i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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