Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
