he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
