Me. At least after what I've been through.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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