Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
