...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
