Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
