I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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