I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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