My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
