My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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