don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
