dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
