I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
