The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
