dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
