So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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