my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
