see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
