we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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