Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
