you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
