I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
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She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
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My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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