I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
