if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
