walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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