You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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